life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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