I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You pole danced in your parka.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
