Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
