I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
