Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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