having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
