How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
