im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
