There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
