I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
