I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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