i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
