i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
