It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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