Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Boobs are out for the taking
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
