How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
well you can't waste a boner
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
