So drunk its hurt
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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