You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
