Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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