Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
