it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
