I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize