Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
