I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize