it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
