You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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