i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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