just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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