So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
