she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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