Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
