dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
