I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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