non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
