So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Randomize
