Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
