Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
