Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i wish my penis had a tongue
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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