Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
