Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
