on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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