First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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