Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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