you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
