why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
