Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
