All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
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