She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
