Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
