Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
