I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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