He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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