im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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