Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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