I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
