We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
