my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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