The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
