I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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