you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize