he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
That accounts for only three of the penises
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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