I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
