I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize