Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
