I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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