i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
