My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
