Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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