Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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