i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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