I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
you had me at cake vodka
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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