Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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